I found this article I'd written for the office newsletter stashed away somewhere on my laptop, thought it sure was funny enough to be posted on my blog so here it is:


It was exhaust fumes… especially in volumes so large that it would take two lifetimes for your lungs to get rid of them. It was exhaust fumes that made us decide it was time we should invest in a little tin box to end our transportation woes, now the question was which little tin box should it be, finally with a zillion recommendations and reviews buzzing in our brains, we got ourselves a nice dark blue Santro (blue I am told is the color or royalty). So the Santro is home, we are happy, end of story right?

Wrong. There was a teeny problem…. Yours truly didn’t know how to drive. However, the solution to this was quite simple. I would enroll in a driving school; master the fine art of navigating a four wheeled contraption through the world class roads
of Bangalore…. And it wouldn’t end there; the driving school would also ensure I get a license to drive (even if I flunked the test!). I did have a little trouble figuring out the best school (didn’t put in so much thought even for my MBA). I guess it was pure luck when I discovered Santro Driving School….from the sheer number of Santro’s parked out their office, they seemed to be the best if I had learn how to drive- you guessed it- a Santro. I am a firm believer in economies of scale, I convinced five other folks from office to enroll for driving class with me. However my hopes of getting a group discount were dashed to the ground, all we walked away with were three free classes. When we enrolled, all of us were given strict orders to first obtain our learner’s licenses and then begin with the lessons. We were asked to go to the RTO at 11 am with one pre-filled form and we were assured a million times, everything else would be taken care of. We staggered in at the RTO between 11 am and 12 pm-expecting a quick 15 minute test and the
learner’s license in our possession. A quick look at the serpentine queue and we realized that optimism had no place in this world! After all the standing and hopping from one foot to another to take the pain off my aging knees, I reached the RTO officer’s desk only to told to pay up Rs. 250 for some affidavit to prove that I live in Bangalore. I was in half a mind to give them an innovation award just for their creativity in finding new ways to get their palms greased!! Anyway at the end of the day, I was the proud owner of a learner’s license.

My scheduled 15 day classes begin,
Day 1: my instructor arrives in a Bright red car. I think- all for the best, red indicates danger, if I am driving, this is the best way to clear the roads. My classes begin with my instructor berating me for my lack of balance with the steering wheel. I wonder why should I be balancing anything, it’s a four wheeler for heaven’s sake, it should balance itself. I ask my instructor- he looks absolutely amazed with this
Day 2: I learn more about balance, I also learn how to sit through a constant volley of instructions with an ‘I have attained
Nirvana’ look on my face.
Day 3- Nirvana look doesn’t work- instructor believes I can’t understand a thing he says. Every 30 seconds I hear- ‘Kuch
samajh mein aa raha hai kya?’ (Do you understand anything?). I say yes and decide time to change my strategy
Day 4- Instructor calls me in the morning to check if I would attend the lesson that afternoon. I question the necessity of
checking on me every morning if we have decided on a pre-determined schedule for the next 15 days. Maybe I can learn something about follow-up
Day 5: Nirvana look not working at all. Instructor says I am supposed to enjoy driving and not look stoned. His logic, I can’t really be a good driver until I learn to enjoy driving.
Day 6: I change expression- I smile for every instruction- I am supposed to look like I enjoy driving. Instructor asks if he’s said
anything funny, wants to know why I am laughing
Day 7: I have progressed to use of clutch, brake and accelerator. I almost knock down a woman- (I was really enthusiastic
about the accelerator bit) Instructor sternly tells me- ‘Kisi ko udana ho toh pehle mujhe bata do’ (if you want kill someone,let me know first)
Day 8: Lessons progress to changing gears- It’s a multitasking nightmare for me. I get several severe reprimands; I am now
beginning to wonder why I chose to do this Day 9: I am in dire straits- can never remember all the zillion different things I am supposed to do, to either start the car or stop it. Never was any good at hand-eye co-ordination
Day 10: Instructor looks irritable- bad sign. I am wondering if I really need those 3 extra classes
Day 11-13: It all seems to be coming together, I actually get a hang of the technique or so I think. I enthusiastically ask the instructor if I am getting good at driving. He says no…. Bangalore roads are not safe yet.
Day 14: All I can think of is- last two classes. No more driving around in the hot midday sun. Even better, no more of being
asked ‘Do you understand?’
Day 15- Freedom at long last! No more school. According to my instructor, I do drive well. I only manage to gawk in surprise
at the transition from being unsafe for Bangalore roads to being a good driver in a mere two days.

More Evidence

I was shampooing my hair this morning and mysteriously the shampoo bubbles came out of my nostril.

More evidence that my skull cavity is empty.

How the Flu Flew

Last week, The Husband was really down with the flu. He even had to take a day off from work to recover. It was no surprise when I woke up the next morning with sandpaper for a throat and a blocked nose. I resigned to fate- knowing that it would take 3 days for the battle between my antibodies and the flu virus to get done with and the side effects of the battle would include the ever unpleasant running nose and low grade fever. The next morning, I went for Kickboxing, and either by pure luck or because all knowing Ashwin thought some healing might do his students good, we ended up having a Chi-Gung only class.

After the class, I went home, had breakfast, cooked, reached office when realization dawned.... I wasn't croaking anymore when I spoke, and I felt perfectly normal and healthy.

Not a single antibiotic, no medicines, no steam inhalation and I had recovered from an ugly flu even before the flu knew what was happening. It seems like magic. My friend who couldn't believe I'd recovered in a day, now keeps asking me for Lottery predictions.

It's time I stopped getting surprised with energy healing and started practicing it more regularly. No?

I want mine here in Bangalore

I've been quite happy with life in Bangalore. Life on the home front is awesome.I love my job, I have great friends from the XLRI group and from work and I am learning martial arts from a great teacher. Great life no?

I thought so too, until Toinks visited us this weekend. She came for a '2-day-no-agenda' visit. It couldn't have been better planned. We wandered around Forum Mall like idiots, window shopping for stuff, browsing through a 100 books and drooling on half of them, we went and splurged on 'fresh hand made' cosmetics. We pigged out cheesy, greasy pizzas and had butter loaded breakfasts. We watched a movie and cried through it. We ate pav-bhaji and cribbed about how it was not like anything made in Mumbai. We watched a reality show non-stop for 4 hours. We made 4 confirmed holiday plans that we could go for between April 2009 and May 2010, fully aware that even if one of those happened, it would be great.

We also did a lot of crazy stuff like trying out tester samples for a really expensive lip-balm on our hands and then not using the tissue provided by the shop assistant to wipe our hands so that we could apply that tester patch on our lips once we were out of the store (why waste good stuff was toink's argument). We fished out dead honey bees from the swimming pool. We stood in the balcony of my house and made really mean comments about each swimmer in the pool. We called each other bitch half a dozen times. We ended up wearing matching red clips in our head without realizing it. Both of us ended up wearing pink kurta and blue jeans without planning it.

Now that she's gone, life in Bangalore does feel a little empty. I miss them. I really feel sorry for people without best friends. I want mine here in Bangalore.

Catfeeder

My Dad installed a new bird feeder in the Kalyan house a week ago. Despite him changing the water and food everyday, not a single bird visited the bird feeder yet. No,not even a crow. He called Arnav to pour his heart out to him. Arnav had a couple of quick suggestions.

Suggestion 1
Ask the next door uncle to release the African parrots from his Aviary so that they'll come and eat food from the bird feeder. Dad told him this idea was kind of impractical because the chances of the next door uncle letting go of his prized possessions was really low.

Suggestion 2(because the first one was impractical)
Empty the grains from the bowl on the feeder. Fill the bowl with Milk. Call the apparatus it a Cat feeder.Dad was speechless.

I continue to be amazed with the kid.

NLP, Healing and Me

Due an old injury (yep, the same one that got me a fracture in my skull) my jaw dislocates sometimes, usually when I brush for too long or yawn. When this happens, it's so supremely painful that I just collapse with the pain which then takes couple of hours to subside. I then need to manually to re-align my jaw. After which, I can't open my jaw completely for the next couple of days. Then there's always the accompanying stiffness, the numbness and the general discomfort while chewing. All in all... I dread the times when my jaw accidentally dislocates.

This morning, I was on my bike on way to the gym and I yawned and my jaw dislocated. If this had happened prior to being introduced to NLP, I might have just fallen off the bike and hurt myself big time.

But something unusual happened today- the very second my jaw dislocated, that very moment, my brain or what Ashwin calls my neurology switched into a pain control technique. I mere seconds I pushed back the pain mentally, and simultaneously without using my hands managed to get the jaw back in place! It's unbelievable but the pain didn't last beyond 10 secs. I didn't even stop my bike, just continued to drive to the gym and did a full-workout.

I've been using the pain control technique quite often for the miscellaneous minor injuries that I keep experiencing, but it's never been a lifesaver like it was today.

Thank you Ashwin- for unlocking some mysterious 'heal thyself on steroids part of my brain'. It works like magic. I haven't even begun to fully comprehend what exactly happens...but it works and it saves me a great deal of pain. So Thanks again!

For those of you who want to know more about how cool NLP is, check this blog http://nlpbangalore.blogspot.com/

Not very nice of me but....

I loved all songs from Delhi 6. I think Rehman is God. However in the song Rehna Tu, from minute 4.48 to 5.17 there's a musical instrument that used... now that particular piece of music sounds like somebody's really letting out a Super Loud Musical Fart. You know the kinds that happens after you eat a lot of baked beans. Lol.

Not very nice of me but it's so funny!!